Maintaining Connection in Busy Seasons
By Clinical Mental Health Team
Tether: to fasten or restrain by or as if by a tether, the limit of one’s strengths or resources, a line to which someone or something is attached (as for security). (Defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary.)
“It’s a busy season. It’s planting season. It’s the push of the end of the school year. It’s the transition to summer schedules.” Fill in the blank for your current busy season—this time of year often brings a particular kind of busyness. Busyness can fuel drive, motivation, and productivity, but it can also lead to stress, fatigue, and burnout. Whether we are highly motivated and productive, or feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed by tasks, either scenario can result in pulling away from others.
For the motivated person, tunnel vision can develop. We justify putting relationships and other priorities on the back burner because we assume the busy season is temporary. The reward of accomplishment can make it easy to expect others, especially our partners, to adjust to our way of functioning during this time and catch up when it is over.
For the overwhelmed person, the sheer number of tasks can leave little energy for social connection. Energy is conserved for survival, which often comes at the expense of engagement with loved ones.
In both instances, isolation can strain relationships, even though research shows people experience less stress when they maintain connection. The word tether is fascinating—it can describe being at the end of one’s rope or restrained, but it can also describe a line of attachment and security. In the midst of stress, our partner may feel like a rope holding us back, yet that same tether can also serve as a lifeline.
Think of a scuba diver’s tether: it connects the diver to the tender above water, providing communication, safety, and support. What if we saw our connection to our partner as a lifeline instead of a constricting rope? A lifeline that provides security, meets needs, fosters communication, and offers support. Even in busy seasons, both partners can remain tethered, gently noticing when one is in tunnel vision or withdrawing and responding with care.
If you find yourself “just surviving” a busy season, consider the condition of your tether and the connection with your partner. Check in with each other about how you function during these times, and look for safe, caring ways to maintain connection.